Four Horsemen Relationship Quiz

Four Horsemen relationship quiz - spot Gottman criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling
Rhys Lewis - Relationship Therapist

I've created this quiz to measure Dr John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the communication patterns that most strongly predict relationship breakdown: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt.

This FREE quiz takes about 3-4 minutes. No email required. You’ll get an instant score for each communication pattern. Here's an example of the quiz results.

Jump To Quiz >>

Criticism:

Criticism is when a complaint about one moment turns into an attack on your partner’s character. A complaint stays specific ("I was hurt you didn’t text that you’d be late"); criticism goes global ("You never think about anyone but me - you’re so selfish"). It usually starts with "you always" or "you never," and it invites defensiveness almost immediately. The antidote is a gentle start-up: say how you feel, name the one behaviour, and ask for one clear change.

Defensiveness:

Defensiveness is the reflex to protect yourself instead of hearing the point - excuses, counter-attacks, or playing the victim. It often sounds like "Yes, but that’s only because you…" or "I can never do anything right, can I?" It feels fair in the moment, but it blocks repair because nothing is owned. The antidote is to accept even a small piece of responsibility: one genuine "you’re right about that part" lowers the temperature faster than a perfect defence.

Stonewalling:

Stonewalling is shutting the conversation down - silence, one-word answers, leaving the room, or staring through them - usually because your body has flooded and you cannot think straight. It is not the same as asking for a calm pause; the difference is whether you say you need a break and when you will come back. It leaves the other person talking to a wall and often chasing harder. The antidote is self-soothing: agree a break of at least twenty minutes, actually calm your nervous system, then return to the issue.

Contempt:

Contempt is criticism with a sneer - mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling, name-calling, or talking as if you are above them. Gottman’s research treats it as the most corrosive of the four because it signals disgust, not just disagreement, and it is the pattern most strongly linked with relationships that later fail. It sounds like "Oh, here we go - typical," or a joke at their expense in front of other people. The antidote is a culture of appreciation: actively notice what they do well and speak about your own feelings and needs instead of their supposed defects.

The quiz below is an educational self-check, not a clinical diagnosis. Answer honestly about the role conflict plays in your relationship.

Your Four Horsemen Quiz

Answer all 17 questions below.

  • I feel like my partner often criticises my personality.
  • My partner often accuses me of things that I haven't done and we argue.
  • My partner often criticises me and it's not fair criticism.
  • When we discuss our main difficulties we end up arguing and hurting one another.
  • When we have differences my partner thinks they're always right.
  • When we argue my partner often uses my words against me.
  • When we disagree I feel like I'm under attack.
  • I frequently dismiss my partner's views and opinions.
  • When we argue my partner is irrational and overly emotional.
  • My partner often misleads me or fails to tell me important things.
  • When my partner talks I really pay attention to them.
  • My partner often deceives me or lies to me.
  • My partner often disrespects me by swearing or name calling.
  • We can listen to one another when we try to sort out our differences.
  • My partner often says nice things to me, and about me.
  • We often say hurtful things to one another during arguments.
  • I know my partner likes the way I look because they compliment me.

By submitting you agree to our Terms.

We do not ask for your email to show your score.

Icon for Common Questions About The Quiz

Common Questions About The Quiz

Why do I need to know about the Gottman's Four Horsemen?

Dr John Gottman's research identified four communication patterns - criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling - that strongly predict relationship distress and, over time, breakdown.

When you can spot these “Four Horsemen” in everyday conflict, you gain clinical clarity about what is eroding trust and connection, rather than simply feeling that “something is wrong.”

That awareness is the first step toward changing how you argue, repair and reconnect - which is why this short quiz focuses specifically on those four predictors.

How accurate is this assessment?

This is a short, focused quiz, so it is not a definitive clinical diagnosis of your whole relationship. It gives you a clear, research-based snapshot of how often Gottman's Four Horsemen show up in your communication.

For a deeper, clinical-grade overview across trust, fondness, conflict, commitment and more, take my full Relationship Health Check - a longer assessment with a detailed personalised report.

Use this Four Horsemen quiz as a fast first look; use the Health Check when you want the fuller picture.

IMPORTANT: This quiz is based on Gottman’s published research framework. This is not a Gottman Institute product.

What do Four Horsemen quiz results look like?

You get an overall conflict-pattern score plus separate percentages for criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt, each with a colour bar and plain-English notes.

To see a full sample walkthrough of the results screen - what each section means, without taking the quiz yet - open the Four Horsemen quiz results explained page.

What are the most common signs of relationship trouble?

In Gottman's framework, the most reliable early warning signs are the Four Horsemen themselves.

Criticism attacks your partner's character rather than naming a specific behaviour. Contempt shows up as eye-rolling, sarcasm, mocking or a sense of superiority - and it is especially corrosive. Defensiveness is the reflex to counter-attack or play the victim instead of taking even a small share of responsibility. Stonewalling is shutting down, going silent or emotionally withdrawing when conflict feels overwhelming.

If these patterns feel familiar, this quiz will help you see how strongly each one is showing up for you right now.

Should we take this quiz together or separately?

The survey is for you as an individual and the results are shown to you privately on screen (you can optionally email yourself a copy or save them to a free Client Account).

I recommend that you answer the survey on your own, without your partner's presence. This allows you to answer honestly without worrying about your partner's immediate reaction.

Once you have your scores, you can invite your partner to take the assessment as well. Comparing your individual results can be a way to see where your perspectives align and where your communication is breaking down.

Not everyone will wish to share their results and your privacy on this matter should be respected by your partner.

Will my partner find out I took this quiz?

Your privacy is paramount and your results are strictly confidential. Your partner will not be notified that you have taken this assessment. You have complete control over whether you ever choose to share your personalised report with them.

Am I going to get bombarded with spam if I provide my email address?

I respect your privacy and your peace of mind. Email is completely optional on this quiz - you can see your scores without giving an address at all.

If you do choose to leave your email, you will only receive the results (or account) emails you asked for. You will only get occasional marketing emails if you tick the marketing opt-in box. I will never sell your data, and you can unsubscribe or close a client account at any time.

What if the report says my relationship is hopeless?

This assessment is designed to give you clinical clarity, not a final verdict. Higher scores on one or more horsemen simply highlight patterns that are worth working on - they are not a death sentence for your relationship. The four horsemen are present to some degree in most relationships.

Identifying those patterns is actually the very first, empowering step toward repairing your bond and building healthier ways of communicating. There are rarely any surprises in the scores - people usually know deep down how good or bad conflict feels at home.

For a deeper assessment of your relationship, take my full Relationship Health Check - a longer assessment with a detailed personalised report.

How long does it take to complete the survey?

This quiz is short and focused. The Four Horsemen quiz usually takes about 3-4 minutes to complete, and your scores appear instantly on the results page.

If you'd like a longer and deeper assessment of your relationship, take my full Relationship Health Check - complete with a detailed personalised report.

Is this just another generic internet personality quiz?

No. This is not a magazine personality quiz. It is a short-form, research-based assessment built on Gottman's Four Horsemen framework and shaped by my years of direct experience as a qualified couples therapist.

Your results focus on clinically meaningful communication patterns - criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling - with clear scores you can act on, not fluffy labels or entertainment scores.

Will this report just list everything we are doing wrong?

A useful relationship quiz should do more than catalogue faults. This assessment honestly highlights which horsemen are showing up most strongly, while framing them as changeable patterns rather than character flaws.

Alongside the scores you will find constructive next steps - including the Gottman “antidotes” and practical ways to shift how you communicate - so you leave with clarity and options, not just a list of everything that feels wrong.

For a deeper, clinical-grade overview of your relationship, take my full Relationship Health Check - a longer assessment with a detailed personalised report.